


A Random Paperhat Fanfic

by Infamy_Dire



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, BDSM, F/F, M/M, NSFW, Paperhat - Freeform, Power Dynamics, Slow Burn, Smut, Suicide mention, bdsm??? Maybe??, kinda writing this as I go but I have a plan!!!, some banter, some emo shit, “Hey kid you want some slow burn AND SMUT??”
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2020-07-23 06:56:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20004172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infamy_Dire/pseuds/Infamy_Dire
Summary: Black Hat gets emotions.Flug grows a backbone.Chaos ensues.Writing this on the side...I’ve had a bunch of Paperhat ideas, so I wanna get them down. Let’s try this out, ladies and gentlemen and inbetweens. This shouldn’t be confused with A Random Paperhat COMIC which is posted on instagram.





	1. Flug is horny, Y’all

**Author's Note:**

> ENJOY THE FILTH, greMLINS

Let’s begin our story with a fun little topic.

_Sex_.

Sex to Dr. Flug was an odd thing. It’s not that he never thought of sex before or felt averse to it: he simply never had the time. Because of this, his experience was  _ extremely limited.  _ Even when he did have the time, these moments were exclusive to Flug and  _ only Flug _ . One could imagine that these intermittent breaks were something a lowly workhorse for the Black Hat Organization like Flug would look forward to but in reality, they were agony.

Dr. Flug didn’t just work solely to become one of the greatest supervillains alive. He worked to never be alone with his thoughts. 

Despite having the prestige of being Black Hat’s right hand man and scientist, Dr. Flug had his own insecurities. They were ravenous and more present for Flug than his own parents ever were.

Then again, this was a pretty low standard.

His insecurities were there for his every failure and every shortcoming. Projects and tasks would only keep these merciless creatures at bay.

He needed a distraction.  _ Quickly. _

But the poor scientist was _sick_ of work. He wanted to indulge himself just for a split second. Yes, he knew this was lazy of him. Yes, he could use this opportunity to be a step ahead of the workload. Yes, yes, _yes_ , but he wanted to fiddle with _something else_ in his hands.

So Flug found it best to spend his free time with pornography. It’s been quite a while. What’s the harm of watching a 10 minute video? 

Flug couldn’t enjoy himself, however. He would choose one video and his nitpicky nature would get in the way. He noticed the poor acting, the jarring lighting, the overexposed audio, the mundane style of the sets, the makeshift costumes cleavage or bulge, and the horrifically jarring plot holes and overly convenient setting of the story. Yes, the point of it all is the sex, but Flug was pretty sure the plumber would be fired for _fucking clients on payroll._

Flug was not the type you could enjoy a movie with.

Flug closed out the incognito tab (as if that actually hides anything...) and sighed a deep sigh. He pushed away from his desk and sat there feeling rather empty. Pretty lonely. If anything.

Dr. Flug was afflicted with the dreaded imposter syndrome. He knew he could easily stamp out any back alley genius on the fly, but without Black Hat’s approval, Dr. Flug felt no satisfaction.

Black Hat reigns as the creme de la creme for villains. Even an offhanded compliment from Black Hat would mean the _very_ _world_ to Flug. When that day comes - IF that day comes, Flug will brandish Black Hat’s comment like there was no tomorrow.

_Yes, Black Hat! THE Black Hat said I did a magnificent job! No one else! Me! Dr. Flugslys! The Greatest Mad Scientist!_

Black Hat had stupendously high standards to the point of absurdity, so to please Black Hat seemed like a ridiculously fantastic dream only induced by the hardest of street drugs. 

That man wore only the finest suits, drank the most exquisite wines, and relished the most beautiful people in the world. He had no qualms against indulging exclusively in these priceless luxuries.

And here sat Flug in his crusty boxer shorts (with a plane pattern, of course) and an energy drink in his hand, blue-balled and having an identity crisis.

Before Flug could go any further down his mental downward slope, he thought about Black Hat for a moment.

_Black Hat._

Dr. Flug always worked to keep any particular thoughts out of his head, worried that Black Hat would read his mind. _God, that would be fucking embarrassing._

Flug doesn’t have a clue as to what powers Black Hat is limited to but right now, Flug was at the end of his rope. He wanted to think about Black Hat. _Fuck it._

Black Hat is a _stupidly_ attractive bastard. There are so many villains, even non-villains, who are entranced by this creature. Not in spite of his horrific behaviour, history, and capabilities, but because in addition to. However, it’s not just his power that allures them; he’s just...it pains Flug to admit this so bluntly...but...he’s hot. Tall, dark, scary, and cunning - rolled up into one.

When he walks into a room, everyone stares. His aura commands respect. His charm? It garners admiration. With a toxic personality that is ready to snap at the slightest inconvenience and to kill the nearest breathing thing, Black Hat can somehow still attract even his sanest victims.

They all fall for him and Flug isn’t an exception.

Flug wondered if he wanted to be Black Hat or to be  _ with _ Black Hat. As if being in a healthy relationship, physical or emotional, is even remotely possible with Black Hat.

But, hey. A guy can dream.

So Flug grabbed his bottle of lube and took to his bedroom, ready to dream.


	2. Black Hat is not horny, ya'll... :(

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat remembers shit.
> 
> oh s h i t.

Black Hat was sitting down quite comfortably in his red velvet chair reading  _ The Prince _ as he sipped his wine. The scene was perfect. The house was in complete and wondrous silence. The wine was wonderfully bitter. Demencia and Flug were busy doing...something. As long as it didn’t bother Black Hat’s plans, he could care less. Nothing was wrong.

Spare a  _ feeling _ .

It was a seasickness on land: a kind of nausea followed by the stink of sweat and fish. Every single time it came, it would cause his very being to squeal and slither away. His non-existent nose would scrunch up and his body would back away from the foul source. Thankfully, this was not unfamiliar to Black Hat. Though experiencing basic human emotions was a weak spot for Black Hat, the old bastard knew what unrequited lust was like. 

Black Hat’s ability to react to emotions has protected the creature for hundreds of years. Humans have their innate disgust for anything resembling illness, while Black Hat can identify any tug on the heartstrings a mile away. Take Demencia for example. She carried the smell with her 24/7. 

It could be the fact she rarely showers, but that’s besides the point.

There was something off about this feeling. It rumbled over his bones and shook him, leaving a sad kind of smell behind like mothballs and retirement homes, but Black Hat shrugged this off as something trivial. He assumed the smell was coming from Demencia’s “sessions” with Earl.

_ Thank you, Earl.  _

As much as Black Hat would appreciate a lover who would worship him (not to mention a lover with a  _ ravishing _ body), Demencia’s infatuation was the very thing that kept Black Hat from playing her for a quick romp in the woods.

Her presence was goddamn suffocating. Every time Black Hat turned, she would be there ready to ride him like there was no tomorrow. That girl had the sex drive of a frat house and the dedication of a  _ temple _ . How she was able to take every horror and sin Black Hat has committed and find it attractive is beyond what many can comprehend. It’s almost admirable. Almost.

An obsessed fangirl was not what Black Hat wanted, however. It was the people who gave a bit of a challenge to the game that aroused Black Hat: highly moralistic preachers, idealistic scientists, fervent speakers, and fearsome leaders. Over the ages, Black Hat has kept things lively by tempting these kinds of people to his bedroom and it has never failed to excite. To see his lovers lament over their corrupted virtues and decay in morality was always delightful. 

  
  
  


But was there anyone Black Hat wanted to lay with at the moment? 

  
  


Demencia is off the list. That’s number one. 

The Hatbots? Fucking a robot would be a new venture but fruitless without the emotional agony.

The bear?

_... _

_ What the hell is wrong with you? _

  
  


Flug?

_ Would he fuck Flug? _

  
  


_______________________________________

Black Hat once took the time to observe the young man when he first crashed his plane into the mansion. It was a dark, thunderous night and deadly for a plane to fly, so it was a miracle to see its pilot  _ alive _ .

Black Hat sat obscured in the shadows to witness the miracle claw out of the hot wreckage, reeking of burning metal and plastic.

He was average height and had a slim build, battered, bruised, and bloody, with a mop of brown hair on his head. Through the mess of his mousy hair, Black Hat could still see the locks and tangles framing a soft, square face and its puppy eyes, gleaming through the smoke and fire.

His features were as petite and dainty as a fresh patch of flowers but his expression was fierce. The man hunched over but there was a noted effort in straightening his stance, clearly to make himself more presentable. He huffed and shook but the expression persisted, attempting to find the man he was searching for.

“Black Hat, I would introduce myself, but I think you know who I am,” the man spoke to the shadows, throat weak but willing from the ash.

_ Yes, a prideful idiot. _

“You flatter yourself, human.”

“You...did you receive my email?”

“Your what?”

“Email? Electronic mail? It’s a form of messaging but on the intern-“

“-I know what an email is, you buffoon.”

_ He did not know what an email was. _

  
  


The human took a moment to think.

  
  


“Then you received my credentials? My resume?”

“No,” Black Hat growled, more focused on the mess strewn across his home. Nonetheless, Black Hat was curious.

He asked, “At least entertain me before your life ends here. Tell me. Why  _ exactly _ are you here?”

“You know my brother. The hero?”

Black Hat’s chuckle boomed throughout the hall.

“Are you here to avenge him, human? He’s one of many, so please, jog my memory,” Black Hat snarled.

The human was momentarily startled, but he regained his stance and began squinting through the smoke for the source of the voice.

“No, sir...he’s still alive.”

Black Hat smirked, “Mmm...Is that so?”

The man swallowed, “Yes...he’s the Golden One.”

Black Hat paused. The man shifted in his shoes, anticipating Black Hat’s displeasure.

“My brother may be a hero, but I assure you, heroism does not run in my family.”

“Then what the  _ hell _ are you doing here?” Black Hat snarled.

“I’m here for you. I’m here to be your right hand man.”

“If you wanted to work under me, then the cult is a fine start, not bloody driving your _ fucking plane through my mansion _ .”

“I don’t want to be a mere servant, sir. I have far more to offer than that.”

“...What?” Poison dripped thick and heavy from his voice.

The man took a deep breath and took out a slip of paper before saying, “When I was 4, I built my first model plane-”

Black Hat snapped, “-when I was 4, I gutted  _ a fish _ . Good for you, but you are playing with my patience-!” 

“-It’s funny. I don’t think four year old me would believe that I would be able to build my first ray gun at 14. Or be able to build my own plane engines, proton splitters, and artificial force fields with scraps from the junkyard and some shady legal loopholes before I turned 20.”

Black Hat was infuriated by the interruption, but the man’s words intrigued him. 

“A child prodigy…” 

The man perked up.

“...Sounds like the forces of _ good _ would  _ love _ to have you,” Black Hat spat.

The man was quick to respond, saying, “Yes, they would. If they didn’t prioritize the superpowered first. My talents were acknowledged, but never pushed to their fullest extent. Moral codes and publicity...the works.”

“Then, show me.”

“Sorry?”

“Show me how sharp you are, dear savant.”

The man rubbed his arms and looked up, slightly smiling.

“Ah, how shall I do that?”

“ _ Survive. _ ”

A black tentacle lunged from the smoke for the man, who fell back in fear and scrambled out of the way. Tentacles all around him appeared and began their assault. 

The man dodged and ducked from the tentacles, sneakers squeaking more than sneaking. A tentacle nearly grabbed the man’s legs until he pounded on his chest to release a force field, paralyzing the limbs. He continued sprinting down the hall which lead to the rest of the mansion.

Black Hat grinned and raised a claw.

_ “Oh where are you going?” _

Under his feet, a portal formed under the man and dropped him from the ceiling to the wreckage below. The man cried out when he hit the floor, narrowly missing a sharp metal beam and disabling his force field.

_ “Come show me your so-called genius! I’m wondering where it went!” _ Black Hat cackled.

The man turned to the wreckage for a moment and patted the fire out with his shirt to then stuff his hand into the rubble to retrieve something.

_ An air freshener can? _

“Unfortunately for you,  _ doctor _ , I’m not interested in hiring any maids at the moment!”

The tentacles continued launching at the man and his force field, which flickered dangerously at each impact. The man turned away from Black Hat’s view and began to curl up into a ball, head down, knees up.

The forcefield became more and more dim. Each impact thundering down more and more harshly. The pounding slammed down on the man’s head, making his ears ring and his teeth rattle. Blood oozed on from his back and the poor man shuddered and shook.

This was the end for the man in the plane crash.

  
  
  
  
  


Now mind you, Black Hat was having a jolly good time. He was having a hoot out of torturing this naive (former) college student, now in a fetal position and crying.

But little did Black Hat realize that the man’s fetal position was actually the man’s attempt to hide what he was constructing in his hands: an air freshener can stuffed to the brim with plane gasoline attached to an open lighter. His crying? Well...yeah, that was crying.

So imagine Black Hat’s surprise when he sees the man fling the amalgamation at his head and shoots it wide open with a BB gun.

The fiery explosion cleared the air and dissipated the tentacles, revealing the silhouette of Black Hat on fire. Black Hat screamed in agony, clawing at his face and tearing the skin clean off, revealing his skull. 

Black Hat slinked closer and closer and his pained howling turned into amused cackling. For a second, Black Hat almost respected the man. His ambition was like no other, considering he caused millions of dollars in property damage to his dream boss’s mansion just to grab his attention, but his pride was a nuisance.

Luckily, that can be tamed.

  
  
  


Black Hat stepped forward from the shadows to greet the man and shake his hand but he found the man had disappeared.

  
  


In his place, there was just a shivering boy. A terrified, naive boy staring into the full depths of the monster before him.


	3. Demencia is also horny...but times 1000

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demencia's got a new job, ya'll

_ “Let me go, you freak!” _

Demencia opened her eyes to a metal cage above her own. She strained against her straight jacket. She doesn’t understand why Flug bothers with tying her up. She always escapes.

Demencia flexed her sore muscles from the bottom of her feet to her neck. She yawned deeply. The numbness of sleep crawled away and excitement rushed in. She was finally awake and ready for another day with a tall glass of dark and sexy. In fact, you could say she was  _ born  _ ready. Her thoughts were interrupted by a man raving about “justice” to someone in the unit above her head.

“You’re going to face the swift hand of justice, villain! The Allegiance always prevails!”

The flat voice of Flug snapped back, “Your team left you to die as soon as I pulled out my gun.”

_ Ahhhh...breakfast. _ It was as sweet as hearing the birds in the morning.

“Good morning, Demencia!” Flug’s voice rung out above her metal cage. Hearing his voice first thing in the morning was always an irritating routine, but then she remembered Flug feeds her, so she lightened up.

“You’re wrong! My friends will save me! They’ll take you all out!” the hero spoke passionately, but his words could not disguise the falter in his voice. 

Demencia let one last joint pop before undoing the clasps on her restraints and stripping down to her underwear, ready for breakfast. 

“Hey, Fluggie! Gimme my breakfast. I’m starvin’!” Demencia sang.

“Before you can get breakfast -!” Flug began...

...before he was rudely interrupted by the hero, who said, “-You hear me, villain? Don’t ignore me! We’ll destroy you!”

Flug lost it, slamming what Demencia assumed to be his clipboard onto the floor and squealing,“Okay, that’s enough. Hatbot, send a surge into the meal dispenser.”

Demencia heard a click and the unit above her head exploded into a flurry of electricity. The hero howled in agony and his cage shook and thrashed as his body contorted. She almost felt sorry for the hero, but to be fair, he was irritating a sleep-deprived mad scientist running on fumes.

“And...stop!” Flug commanded the bot.

Another click turned off the surge and the cage now emitted a black smoke. The hero in the cage was silent. Flug took a deep breath and gave a soft moan, clearly regretful of how easily he lost his temper. He wiped his mouth and spoke.

“Demencia, you don’t mind having your meals fried do you?”

“Eh. I’ll take it!” Demencia chirped, far too hungry to be picky and feeling a little sorry for Flug.  _ A little. _

“As I was saying, you have a meeting...with Black Hat.”

“wHAT??” Demencia squealed. She didn’t even notice the unit falling to the floor with a slam. Her meal was twitching like a crack addict from the shock.

“You have to be there at 8:30 so please hurry-!”

“He wants to see me? Me? And NOT you??” Demencia teased.

Flug sighed the deepest of sighs that can be sighed.

“...yes.”

“EeeeeeeerErEEEEE! FUCK BREAKFAST!” Demencia scurried up the wall and stopped, “Wait! No, I’m hungry! I’m changing my clothes!”

She pounced off the wall to jump onto the meal dispenser.

“You’re not wearing  _ any _ clothes,” Flug hissed.

“You think I’m gonna wear my underwear with my normal clothes? You’re funny,” Demencia ripped open the unit’s door, pulled out the broken hero, and took a bite out of his neck, splattering blood all over the floor.

Although she couldn’t see him, she knew Flug was massaging his temples when his voice grew distant, “Hatbot, prepare her bath and bring in her clothes. She’s needs to be dressed before 8.”

_______________________________________

Demencia bounced and clicked her heels as she made her way to Black Hat’s office down the blood red halls of the manor, all decked with portraits and pictures of Black Hat and his achievements.

_ It’s been forever since I’ve seen Blacky. It’s been two DAYS. He must be busy at work. Obviously. I wish he would stop working for a day and spend some time with me. He works so hard.  _

_ ‘All work and no play makes Blacky a dull boy.’ _

Demencia giggled at the thought. She should  _ definitely  _ use that line whenever Black Hat said he was “too busy.”

_ He hasn’t called me down for a meeting in a long time...what if it’s special? What if...he’s PROPOSING!? _

Demencia rubbed out the goosebumps on her arm and sucked in her teeth. The idea of marriage wasn’t out of Demencia’s reach as many would like to believe. She’s Black Hat’s number one fan, sure, but she’s also his  _ personal bodyguard and assassin _ for crying out loud! It’s not like her dreams are totally impossible. She is  _ very close  _ to Black Hat and the man  _ has _ been married once or twice before the brides and grooms mysteriously died several days after the wedding bUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT!

It wasn’t a joke that Demencia was born to work under Black Hat.  _ This was actually the case _ . Demencia was one of the few children to be raised entirely under Black Hat’s cult. Every day of her life was dedicated to Black Hat. The teachings, the trainings, the lifestyle that Demencia was raised under was entirely according to what Black Hat wanted and  _ she loved it wholeheartedly.  _

Other cult members liked to say the same, but Demencia believes that they were _never_ _truly_ dedicated. Typically, these adults had their entire childhoods to their own, but never have they given such precious time to Black Hat like Demencia has, thanks to her parents. That was what made her such a perfect candidate for the genetic therapy. Innate loyalty and determination to serve the Hat.

_ Aren’t such qualities perfect for a wife? _

  
  


Demencia came swinging into Black Hat’s office with a slam and a song.

You wanna hear it?

  
  


No?

  
  


Of course you want to, silly! 

  
  
  


Demencia first raised her arm high above her head and popped out her leg as if attempting to wave down a car. She began her melody with a heart wrenching tremolo.

_ “Oh, Black Hat! _

_ Did you call for me, baby?” _

Black Hat understood this form of expression. He hated this, yes, but he understood that when a 19 year old woman is in a heat and singing an improvised song with horrendous meter and rhythm, it’s best not to push it any further and to keep it as brutally professional as possible. 

With this mindset, he said, “Yes, I did. I wanted you here twenty minutes ago.”

Demencia spun on her heels and inched closer to his desk.

_ “Don’t worry, dear lovely! _

_ I’ve come here to please! Hey!” _

Black Hat, in his discomfort, began adjusting the pens on his desk. 

“Well, I would  _ hope so  _ considering I  _ pay  _ you.”

“ _ Don’t give me dollars or pennies, _

_ I’ll do anything you need of me!” _

“...Grand. Anyways, here’s the job I have for you-”

_ “-Who do you need dead? _

_ In fact, I could just give you some head!” _

Demencia then proceeded to backflip and do a split on the rug. She raised her jazzhands and beamed at her master.

_ “And when I mean ‘head’, I don’t mean just the person’s head I actually mean a blowjo-!” _

“Okay! Okay!” Black Hat furiously clapped, desperate to stop that last line. “That’s enough! I don’t have time for this!”

Black Hat flug a file at Demencia’s face which bursted, revealing all of the documents inside. He immediately began adjusting his suit and made his way to the door as Demencia peered at the papers, which featured an aging woman and her information.

Black Hat turned to Demencia, hand on the door.

“There’s an attorney general that every idiot is clamoring to get their hands on. She’s been causing a bit of a mess lately. She works quickly and efficiently. Incredible, but not so incredible for the fools who are stupid enough to get caught in her clutches. Because of this, the people of the state are regaining their confidence against the forces of evil. They’re getting  _ hopeful _ . This woman is no threat to us, but everyone wants to shoot her down for bragging rights. They all want to be known as the one who took the bitch down,” he explained.

“So you wanna send a message?” Demencia asked.

“A message? I want a  _ tragedy _ , Demencia.  _ Calamity. Chaos _ . A sign that the state and their designated bringer of justice is no match for  _ real  _ evil. She’ll be prosecuting the Bonecruncher...you know. That cannibal? She’ll be working to send him to the chair in the next couple of days and I expect her to be dead when the trial comes.” 

Demencia peered up from her papers, “Where are you going?” 

“I’ve got to run to a convention with Flug. I’ll be gone for several days, so  _ don’t destroy the HOUSE, _ ” he growled before slithering out of the door.

With Flug? Demencia was  _ definitely  _ going to swing on the chandelier tonight.

Black Hat yelled through the door, “NO SWINGING ON THE CHANDELIER!”

_ Damn it. _


	4. Undead Trains and Chicken Parm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little transitional chapter to let you guys know what BH and Flug are going to be dealing with...and some fan-lore, too

They stood on the platform of an abandoned train station. The station had seen a number of island visitors which would ride its trains to witness the luscious flora and fauna. These visitors gawked and pointed at the wildlife and beauty the island had to offer, hanging out of their windows to take a closer look. Deer and birds would prance and flutter across bountiful fields of flowers, bushes, and trees. The greenery hung heavy with ripe fruit, which visitors could pick as they stayed on the island. There was even a wildlife reservation where the visitors could learn about and help care for the island’s wonderful creatures. Each passenger’s heart seemed to grow two times more when they rode the train. Thanks to their trip, they all left with a new outlook on the world, realizing how beautiful their world is.

But that was before the Hat. Before he took over.

Now the trees are dead, the flowers and fruit have rotted away, the birds were shot, and the animals were eaten by either a certain hatted fellow or the sewer snake that still roamed the island. Poison ivy coated the walls of the former establishment and its chipping, grey paint. The air was dry and the mood was somber in this area. It was not just a train station, but a graveyard in dedication to what once was. Flug wondered if evil really demanded such destruction of nature. It would be nice to see a rabbit or a flower patch for a change. Maybe a bear to visit 5.0.5. Oh! That’d be _adorable_.

Black Hat and Dr. Flug stood on that platform, preparing to board their train. Black Hat and Dr. Flug were currently preparing to attend a convention hosted by a competitor who resided in Western Canada. They have rode on this train for years and years. For every convention. For every meeting. _For everywhere Black Hat wanted to make a scene._

“DOCTOR!” 

“Yes, sir?” Flug looked up to his lord.

“The book.”

Dr. Flug handed Black Hat what someone would call a spell book of horrors, but it was merely Black Hat’s personal planner, containing a number of spells, villainous contacts, and the occasional chicken parm recipe. Black Hat split the book open with a hiss. It’s leather bound cover opened to turn its yellow pages to a page featuring a creature. He waved a claw and muttered some dark words under his breath. The ground rumbled and shook violently but the hatred man and his scientist stayed upright like it was any other day. A whistle rung out in the distance. It was the train. It was coming.

Like a corpse rising from the dead, the locomotive tore out of the ground, shooting dirt in all directions. The whistle screeched and made the train’s presence known. Out of the dark came the green light of the train’s spotlight. The train screeched to a halt before its master and opened its doors to its dark and decorative cabin. The couple boarded the train.

Black Hat motioned the doors to close and removed his coat, “Any last minute ideas? Anything you’ve forgotten, Doctor? Contracts? Documents? Your dignity?”

“No, sir. Everything is right here,” Flug patted his bag.

Black Hat smirked, “Mmm...debatable…”

Flug waved a folder packed full of papers, “I h-have them all, sir.”

“Good.”

Black Hay snapped his fingers and the train began its journey, lurching forward to dig itself into the ground. Meanwhile, Flug stood there awkwardly in the shaking cabin, looking at Black Hat.

“...What are you looking at?” Black Hat snapped.

Though Dr. Flug never developed the audacity to ask, he couldn’t help but to wonder why they never used Black Hat’s portals to travel. I mean, it would be faster. Much easier, too. 

“J-just admiring your presence, sir.”

Black Hat stared at him for a second, eyeing Flug for God knows what. Black Hat snorted at his response and turned away to summon his cane before stopping himself short and taking a second look at his assistant.

“Is that what you’re wearing?” Black Hat was laying the disdain on _thick_.

Dr. Flug dressed himself in a pearly blue button up with a plane pin on the breast pocket, jeans, and brown shoes. It was nothing in comparison to Black Hat’s signature suit, but on its own, it was just fine. Black Hat eyed the plane pin for a fleeting moment and scoffed. Though it wasn’t the most fashionable choice, Black Hat could appreciate Flug’s consistency. 

“You look like someone’s uncle. The kind that’s a little _too friendly_ , Flug,” he hissed. 

“Really, sir?,” Flug sheepishly looked down at his outfit.

Black Hat paused upon seeing his expression, “...yes, really.”

“Oh…”

“The one time I put faith into your fashion choices…” Black Hat massaged his temples. “Change your fucking clothes, Flug.”

“Erm...now? I mean, we-”

“-Now.”

“Now now? But I should probably-!”

“NOW.”

“With what clothes, s-sir?”

“The suit in your luggage that I left for you.”

“Y-you left a suit for me?”

“YES!”

“I-in my luggage?”

“Yes, of course I did!”

Flug winced as he couldn’t help but ask, “...which bag?”

“Where your clothes are, you buffoon!”

“Really?”

“YES!”

Flug’s expression opened up in a weak smile, “...thank you, Jefecito.”

Black Hat stiffened at the response as if to say, “ _Don’t look at me like that.”_

Flustered and finding his authority being indirectly underminded, Black Hat spat out anything to just get things done and over with.

“ChANGE _NOW.”_

“Um...i-in front of you?” Flug sputtered.

“ _NOW_!” Black Hat roared.

_In a normal way or in a...different...kind...of way?_

Flug just stupidly stood there, hand hovering over his shirt buttons. Doing _nothing_ but waiting.

“Flug...the bathroom. ” Black Hat pointed to a nearby bathroom in the cabin.

“I’m sorry, sir! My apologies!” Flug scampered off to the bathroom and shut the door. He ripped off his bag and ran his hands through his hair, humiliated. He was finally alone with his thoughts. 

His damn thoughts....let's _focus on the job, shall we?_

Now, Black Hat would typically stamp out any competition before it saw the light of day. The man er- _demon...eldritch...thingy_ would love to maintain his monopoly over villainous services but in this case, Black Hat had expressed interest in this company. Black Hat enjoyed letting a company or two, every now and then, to flourish for a flitting moment to be then absorbed by the Black Hat Organization. Just to cause a little mess for any villains that wished to defy Black Hat’s decree. 

Flug opened his notebook and flipped through his writings as he continued to unbutton his shirt with a hand. Black Hat didn’t seem to study very much about competing companies, but he always knew a great deal about them. In order to stand on his own, Flug spent the past two nights hunched over his desk, studying their opponents. As he reviewed his notebook, Flug removed his shirt and began unzipping his pants.

Although its very existence appeared to be a shameless doppelganger of their own establishment, White Mask Incorporated was nothing to bat an eye at. Their company focused most of its weight on online banking and anonymous trading. Consumers could anonymously purchase services and products, a perfect program for not only for the evil and the good but those in between. This was a drastic contrast to the Black Hat Organization. Though Flug admired the theatrics and exclusiveness of BHO, he had to admit that White Mask Incorporated was much better at attracting a broader range of consumers as a neutral entity in the war between good and evil.

As Flug removed his pants, his hands rubbed against groin for a moment. He didn’t realize, but he was slightly hard. The touch of his hand sent a faint surge of pleasure through his hips. He brushed his erection once more, but dropped his hand before continuing. 

He embarrassed himself back there. Flug won’t deny it. He didn’t have to ask Black Hat. All of his grace and class flew out of the window as soon as Black Hat saw how he dressed. Flug covered his eyes with his hands and sighed. He would have another opportunity to prove himself. He assured himself this was trivial in comparison to what he was destined for. At least, he hoped it was.

He unzipped his bag and eyed the suit Black Hat packed for him. It was a beautiful outfit: a crisp, navy suit with a dark blue shirt and a black tie. Despite how clearly wonderful it was, Flug was reluctant to wear it.

But for now, he would wear the suit. For the Hat.


	5. Karens, Carnage, and Caviar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat is a Karen and Flug is there for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD! I wanted to update this for so long! So here's a chapter for you guys! Thank you so much for the support! Chapters are quite a bit transitional but i promise it will be worth it AAA!!!

Black Hat and Flug’s train arrived in Canada within an hour. Unfortunately, it was not just any hour, but an awkward, long hour of Dr. Flug teasing at his suit and playing with his pen as he stared at his notebook. Meanwhile, Black Hat read a newspaper. Black Hat had spent the majority of the hour reading and re-reading the obituaries of villains and heroes, wishing to elongate the time to read his paper to avoid looking at Dr. Flug. 

The stench. It was still there. It must have lingered since the last time Demencia was here. He will have to send an unfortunate soul to spruce up his undead train soon.

The train had ripped out of the ground and came to a halt in a massive courtyard, killing the nearby shrubbery and unfortunate passerbys. Stepping out of the train, Black Hat and Flug found themselves standing before the Dante Hotel, a massive steel building that shined throughout the darkened city as its massive, red, neon sign sat upon its top like a crown. A group of hotel employees headed by a manager, who was drenched in his sweat and pressing a napkin to his brow, scurried over to Black Hat and they parted to form a neat line and bowed deeply before the lord, foreheads just above the ground.

“Lord Black Hat! It is an honor to be in your presence and to have you stay at the Dante Hotel with us,” the manager squeaked as his head was down. The manager paused and motioned to his employees, who bowed once again and scuttled to take Black Hat and Flug’s luggage.

“Where is Gustavo?” Black Hat asked flatly, clearly displeased with the hotel owner’s absence.

The manager flinched at the question, lips quivering but forcing themselves to make a polite smile. “I am terribly sorry, Lord Black Hat. Unfortunately, he is no longer a part of the Dante Hotel. He retired-”

“What?” Black Hat snapped. Not only wasn’t he greeted personally by the hotel owner but he had not received any news about this _retirement_ , which infuriated him even further. Gustavo had worked closely with BHO for so long. How could he retire without leaving a trace?

“H-he...he retired. A new owner-!” the manager curled away from Black Hat’s indignation.

“-Who?”

“White Mask...White Mask absorbed the Dante Hotel last month. I am terribly sorry, Lord Black Hat!” the manager threw himself on the ground, hoping to appease the demon, and the rest of the employees fled to the Dante Hotel, desperately trying to escape the rising commotion. 

Black Hat sat there, silently burning. It seemed his anger was appeased by the apology just for a spare moment until Black Hat spat on the manager, leaving a steaming acid burn dripping from his head. White Mask Incorporated was spreading faster than Black Hat had expected, all right under his nose-! 

_Well, his non-present nose. His "lacking" of nose? The "absence" of nose?? How do you say that? I mean, it's just skin..._

Right undER HIS **_SKIN_ **.

The manager suppressed his screams and merely thanked this Karen of an eldritch, as the manager knew the creature could do much, much _worse_ to him and his employees.

As the manager writhed on the floor, Black Hat steamed towards the front door of the Dante Hotel, hissing in anger with this newest revelation. Flug quietly left a bottle of water for the manager. Flug knew that the best medicine for an acid burn like that was to flush it out with water. Not looking back to see if the manager would take it and use the bottle in fear of being caught for being charitable, Flug sprint-walked behind Black Hat.

Black Hat turned to Flug, and Flug squeaked, worried that his master would scold him for leaving the bottle. 

Black Hat growled lowly so only Flug could hear, “Why wasn’t I informed of this?”

“None of my sources have reported this, sir. Maybe this was meant to be kept quiet? But it wouldn’t make sense for hotel staff to tell us about the change of ownership...” It was curious. Black Hat Organization has members and partners around the globe and yet not one peep from Gustavo or the others about this business decision. Until today, from some lowly employees. It was very odd.

“Oh, it makes sense, Flug. It _makes_ sense,” Black Hat hissed. 

“Forgive me, sir. How so?”

“The White Mask idiots want to catch me off guard! I expected to be in the company of submissive friends and servants, but find them owned by my competitors! This is an insult and it will be squashed _immediately_ ,” Black Hat growled before approaching the front desk and snatching his room key from the silver platter held by the attendant before him. Flug politely smiled at the attendant before taking his key and catching up to Black Hat, who was already making his way to the elevator. 

The elevator dinged and they entered. Alone. The elevator closed its doors and began its climb to their floor number.

“What do you propose we do, sir?” Flug asked earnestly, eager to please.

Black Hat snorted, “We do what we always do. Enjoy our stay. Then, we _destroy._ Scorn them into the face of the Earth. We won’t stop until every drop of blood and every beating heart and every goddamn fuCKIng _BRAIN_ in WMI is smeared across these walls. They will cry for forgiveness and for a chance to join us, but in the end, we will offer _none to such putrid, stinking lifeforms_.”

An awkward and tense silence sat between them.

  
  
  


Flug, feeling the need to calm his master, asked, “I-I hope we have time for caviar then?”

Black Hat looked at Flug dead in the eye.

“Flug...there’s _always_ time for caviar.”


	6. Sunblast is Penumbra’s Solar-powered Boy Toy and There is Nothing You Can Say That Will Make Demencia Think Otherwise

She sat in her office, pacing around the room. It was a cold room, despite the decor. The atmosphere had greyed over time ever since she first took office. No matter how many flowers and pieces of wooden furniture were stuffed into this room, it would only get colder. One could look at this room and dream of working in it, but would only find themselves in a room with an air saturated with the tears of burdened attorney generals from years past, all horrified by the gruesome and unnerving cases they’ve come across.

The current attorney general was letting her body burn the caffeine and sugar it accumulated for so long. She indulged in the room and its history. She practically lived here. Months of sleepless nights and self-reflections had brought her to this moment and despite all certainties she feels, she has this lingering fear. 

No. She will achieve a calm. A pure, fierce calm. _She will._ This was the trial of the century and she will bring justice to the victims. For so long, atrocities committed by villains had never struck the public so emotionally as the case of the Bonecruncher, despite being so desensitized. This villain had committed what the media calls “the Picnic Horror.” It had involved schoolchildren from around the state, barbecue sauce, and a grill. From what was gathered and considering the villain’s name, it was not a happy picnic. 

Punishment for villains is polarizing for the state, considering they are oftentimes more than not, part of marginalized groups in society. It’s a tragedy. It is. Xenophobia runs rampant through the region and services for potential villains are shoved to the side, she can agree with that, but biting the heads off of elementary school children like candy bars undoubtedly destroys any ounce of sympathy the people have. 

They will say, “the Bonecruncher is mentally ill and ought to be in a psych ward.” They’ll bring in psychologists who will explain his childhood traumas and explain why he is this way. The protestors outside will agree but in the court of public opinion, the Bonecruncher should be in the electric chair. The law will surely follow this idea.

_He cannibalized children. 8 children. Do it for them. Remember their faces._

“Miss?”

Her assistant knocked and stood in the doorway, face pale as if she'd seen a ghost. Her hands were behind her back, as if she was ashamed of something she had done.

“I have something to tell you.” Her assistant was shaking horribly. She let out a little sniffle.

Exasperated, the attorney general asked, “What’s wrong? We have the trial in 2 hours!”

The assistant trembled, “What’s wrong...”

  
  
  


“...is that you’re not _dead_ yet!”

Her assistant whipped out a mace and slammed it across her face, bloodying the blinds behind them. The assistant let her disguise go, morphing herself into her wondrous self. Bones cracked and flesh shifted. Who is she?

Demencia? _Who else?_

The attorney general collapsed on the floor, a pool of blood began quickly forming under her head. Part 246 of Operation Make Black Hat Fall in Love with Demencia complete! Now, for Part 247! 

Demencia hauled the body of the attorney general onto her shoulder and made her way out into the hall. This is the beginning of her wild dance. Demencia skipped down the hall of the general attorney’s office with a body on her shoulder and swinging her mace in the air like a girl jumping rope down the street. Frightened interns and lawyers screamed and scattered at sight of the bloodied face of Demencia. They loped over their desks and over each other to escape the Liquid Lizard, who swung her mace right into the faces of anyone nearby with a sickening crack. 

Demencia squealed with pleasure, seeing the lollipop bowl sitting on the secretary’s desk. She adored these things! The papery taste! The slightly off fruit flavors! The dust that somehow got under the wrapper! All combining to make a delectable office sweet when your blood sugar is low! 

The secretary was terrified, shoving the bowl closer to the villain and immediately shrinking back under his desk. She snatched five lollipops, ripped the wrappers off with her mouth, and stuffed them in her mouth, smearing blood on the candy bowl.

“Thanks, babe!” Demencia cackled.

The secretary only responded with a horrified shriek. Before Demencia skipped any further, she froze.

A ghostly woman stood in the doorway. She wore a long white coat, buckled with silver and barely hiding her black leather boots. A shifting shadow danced upon her head, flickering and shifting in anticipation. Her pale skin and argent eyes shined through the dark, giving off what was almost a gossamer glow in the dimmed lighting of the hallway. It was Penumbra, standing with a pile of files in one arm and an umbrella in the other. 

Demencia spat out a lollipop. 

She knew that the attorney general was a major target for villains, but she never expected, out of all people, for Penumbra to be here. Penumbra was a “baby-bat” of the villainous community: a kind of hopeful, wide-eyed idiot who thought she could make insanely powerful weapons and not expect people to get hurt, all for the sake of the “ _gweater gwood uwu_.” 

That might just be the worst kind of villain out there, a villain who thinks they’re a _goddamn_ hero.

“O-oh! Hello, Demencia!” Penumbra said, surprised to see the villain, “What do you have there?” She eyed the body on Demencia’s shoulder.

_God, she’s so fake._

The lizard girl slurred, “Schom lollipwops!” She dribbled multicolored spit, dyed by the lollipops.

_Hee! Hee! Look at me! I’m saving the environment and eating Black Hat’s shit! Hee! Hee! Fucking bitch._

“Is that...is that the attorney general on your shoulder?” Penumbra’s polite smile faded. She looked around the room, saw the mess, and realized what was happening.

Demencia wore a smug grin on her face.

“Did you kill...the attorney general?” 

“Yeah! You have a problem with that? Because I can solve that very quickly!” Demencia lifted her mace.

“Nononono, it’s fine! It’s fine. I have no problem with-! I mean, I do, but you’re going to kill me…” Penumbra muttered.

Demencia swung her mace in the air menacingly.

Penumbra held up a hand, “WoAH WOAH WOAH! Hold on!” 

Penumbra shakily sighed, holding her papers closely to her chest, “I just...wanted to talk to the attorney general about a dumping ground. I really thought she could take on this case if she could hear me out, but now…” Penumbra motioned to the attorney general, bleeding out on Demencia’s shoulder.

Demencia scoffed, “Do you mean ‘hear me out’ as in...beat her in a back alley until she has to say yes?”

“What? No! I was going to explain why-!”  
“-Because villains don’t need to explain anything. They just beat it out of people!” Demencia gleamed. 

“Maybe for you, but I’m not a villain! I just wanted to talk!”

“Did you not sign a contract with Black Hat?”

“Well, I did-!”

“Did you not kidnap a hero?”

“I did yes, but now we’re on good terms-!”

“Did you not cause massive flooding in Atreno City that displaced the lives of thousands of people who could not afford housing in geographically higher places?” Demencia tore the lollipops out of her mouth and shook them at Penumbra. 

Penumbra paused, half surprised by Demencia’s strangely articulate question.

“I...I know and it was a terrible mistake. I regret it even now.” Penumbra’s face fell and her eyes looked to the floor, “I want to do the right thing, you know.”

Demencia shifted uncomfortably in her shoes. It was disappointing to see the woman so downtrodden so easily. She expected a better love rival. This was it? 

“Well...maybe...you can help me hang the attorney general...to the front of the capitol building…?” Demencia took a lollipop from her mouth and pointed to a general direction. “Draw a mustache on her face? Draw some glasses on her because seeing is for nerds?”

A pause.

“...tempting,” Penumbra responded flatly.

“Then, do it with me! Please! This would make you seem so much cooler after flirting with Black Hat that one time when you wanted us to get your solar-powered boy toy!” Demencia whined.

“Wha-? WhAT?” Penumbra sputtered. “I’m not even-! I wasn’t-!” She pointed a finger at Demencia. “You!”

“Me?” Demencia smiled and pointed to her chest. 

“YOU??” Penumbra spat and whispered to herself, holding the bridge of her nose. “I...I’m going to leave now.” She turned towards the door.

“Yeah, we should! The cops are going to be here in like…” Demencia looked at her wrist, miming that she was reading a watch, ” _...three minutes._ ”

“T-three minutes?”

“Yes! Cuz we’ve been talking _way_ too much! Thanks for that!”

Penumbra began to shake, mumbling, “We need to go! At least I can drop this off...” She skittered over to the attorney general’s door and left her paper pile on the threshold. 

“Why are you leaving that? It’s not like they’re going to read it!” Demencia snorted, which was met by an offended look from Penumbra. “And by the way? there is no ‘we’!” Demencia stuck her tongue at the older woman. “I’m leaving!”

A gun clicks behind the two women. They freeze.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_“You’re not going anywhere.”_


	7. Fun Fact: Black Hat Doesn’t Cream Himself when Flug Talks About Atoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug I am so sorry my sweet baby boy AHHHHHH

They stayed in two different rooms at the Dante Hotel. Black Hat was staying in a suite fitting for a king, while Flug stayed in a single. Though Flug did not enjoy the same amenities that came with a suite, he was perfectly satisfied with the single as it was still a beautiful room, styled with deep red sheets and ebony furniture. Flug laid down on the queen-sized bed and fingered the carvings of the bed mantle, quietly musing about a seeping feeling of familiarity.

Flug had been to the Dante Hotel before. A handful of times. The same suite for Black Hat, the same single for Flug, but Flug recalled a larger room: one bed on one end and one on the other, separated by a common area. Maybe Flug had seen such a place when he was booking a room or when a villain had invited Black Hat for a room party. Still, the details were blurry. Flug couldn’t say what was within the room or what had happened. Then again, a room like that never really was a matter of concern for him. If it was, he probably would have remembered. 

What he does remember is that he needs to be at Black Hat’s door in 5 minutes. Thankfully, Black Hat’s room is next door, so all Flug needs is 4 minutes to burn and a minute to walk to Black Hat’s door and to look at his watch to precisely come rap-tap-tapping. When Black Hat means 5 minutes, he means 5 minutes. No more, no less.

Flug springs up from the comfort of the bed and makes his way to the single’s cramped bathroom, turning on all the lights to give himself a proper look in the mirror. He tugged at the cuffs of his suit and re-tucked his shirt into his pants as he saw fit. Flug quickly spritzed cologne just under his bag at the base of his neck. 

It may seem a bit overdone, considering Flug had done himself up prior to coming to the Dante Hotel, but being so close to Black Hat in a place that wasn’t the mansion had made Flug nervous. Being at the mansion was the closest thing to home, even if it was a bit of a hellhole dealing with Demencia’s mayhem and Black Hat’s fury. There’s a comfort knowing that you’re at “home”, not having to prepare and present yourself to strangers. Members of a home can move independently and don’t have to rely on each other to get things done, but in public, they seem to do the inverse. In public, you cling to what you know and rely on others to make up for the shortcomings you present in public. Such dependence is weakness. Flug didn’t want to give Black Hat any more reason to think Flug was weak. Flug needed to demonstrate that he was clean, confident, and secure. Therefore, any opportunity to demonstrate this to Black Hat was essential. Even a silly little thing like how much cologne Flug was wearing was important. If he put on too much, it would look like Flug needed to desperately cover up his stink, while too little would look like he didn’t put effort into his presentation.

It’s a tricky game. Cologne.

Checking his phone, he saw that one minute had gone by. Flug groaned. It was agony to wait so long. 

What to do...what to do.

All they were going to do was pregame. Now, Black Hat refused to call it that. He liked to call it an  _ evening tea party _ . Make some small conversation. Gossip a bit. Get drunk on mai tais and stumble down a few stairs before making way to the actual party that would be happening tonight in the Dante Hotel’s main ballroom.

Villains, henchmen, assassins, and mad scientists would be joining together tonight for a lovely little get-together. The main idea of the event was for networking, but Flug knew very well that villains party hard and it would be quite bloody tonight. All kinds of debauchery would be out in the open. What kinds do you ask?

Flug checked his phone. Four minutes have passed.

_ Shit. More on that later _ .

Flug stepped out of his single and locked his door to make his way to Black Hat’s room. He adjusted his tie as he approached the suite and before he could knock on the door, the door flew open to reveal a disgruntled Black Hat.

Black Hat pursed his lips, peering down at Flug with his... _ not-nose _ ...in the air.

“Hello, Lord Black Hat,” Flug gave a shaky, little bow, knowing that he came just right on time.

Black Hat sniffed and turned away from Flug, leaving the door open to allow him in.

“Dr. Flug, close the door,” Black Hat waved to Flug as he made his way to the coffee table to pick out a tie. “Now, we have some festivities that we must attend to and I do not want to be wasting my time. I won’t be bumbling with the idiots at the evening tea party all night. I want to know when and where events are, and I’d like to plan my leave accordingly.”

“Of course, sir.” Flug took out his phone with the list of events on screen.

“In the main ballroom, there will be a dance floor that will be running all night until 3 am, where beverages and food will be served. In the surrounding ballrooms, there are events that begin to run around 9pm. In ballroom 2, there’s a small weaponry convention that I’ve situated some vendors at, so in regards to sale, we’re covered. Otherwise, we can visit and view some products.”

“Mm,” Black Hat mumbled, knotting his tie around his collar.

Flug continued, “In ballroom 3, there will be presentations that include workshops and speakers discussing topics from the determination of the dark side of human nature to the applications of quantum mechanics in weaponry-”

“-Ugh, what a bore.”

Flug froze and looked up, “Um, sir...I’m presenting the quantum mechanics one.”

“What do you want me to say?” Black Hat was intent on his tie, staring at it in the mirror he situated. “Oh I’m just soooo  _ titillated _ by little bitty atoms I can’t even see! I might just spill all over myself! Ohh!” He furiously tore off his tie and threw it on the coffee table.

“Can’t choose a tie?” Flug asked.

“I’ve spent far too long being indecisive,” Black Hat sighed. “I’m desperate.”

Black Hat whipped around to face Flug and grabbed two garments from the coffee table, “Which one? Claret or maroon?” He shook the ties respectively.

Both ties...look exactly the same. 

Flug eyed the two ties and he choked, “You’re asking  _ me _ ?”

“Like I said,  _ I’m desperate _ . Which one?” Black Hat motioned with the ties.

“Um…”

_ An opportunity. Here’s an opportunity. _

“This one.” Flug pointed to the tie on his right, the “maroon” one.

Black Hat stood still and looked at the chosen tie. He immediately then took the chosen tie and slashed it in two...then promptly wore the unchosen tie. Black Hat turned to the mirror and smiled. 

“Perfect!”

Flug hid his disappointment and continued on with his phone, “...Speaking of ‘titillated’...”

“Oh?”

“...in ballroom 4, there’s...there’s an orgy.” 

“OH!”

“...but they’re only running from 10 to 11.”

Black Hat adjusted his hat and commented, “Mm...enough time for others, but definitely not for me.”

Flug did not dare look up from his phone. He merely adjusted his collar.

“Probably boring anyways. It’s far too public to be any good,” Black Hat sucked his teeth.

“In ballroom 5, there are some performers-”

“Nevermind about the performers or any other event. I’d like to know about WMI. When will the owner present themselves?” Black Hat huffed.

“I haven’t seen any information about that. Not even from our sources.”

Black Hat stiffened and pinched his brow. He looked Flug dead in the eye. 

“Flug.”

“Sir?”

“You work with me, because I demand nothing less than the best.” Black Hat growled. 

Flug stood very still. 

“Do you take me for a fool, Flug?” Black Hat smirked. “Leaving stones unturned is quite unbecoming for a servant of mine, let alone a scientist of your position.” 

“Sir, please. I searched through all backdoors and haven’t found-”

“Do I have to hold your hand the entire time?”

“No, sir. No,” Flug whimpered.

“Do I need to nag you to make sure you do your job?”

“No, not at all.”

“Because now I’m wondering if I’ve made a mistake. Imagine that! Black Hat making a stupid mistake. Hard to believe, isn’t it? Did I make a mistake in choosing you?” he crooned cruelly.

Flug shook, “No, you did not.”

“Could you care to make me think otherwise?”

“...of course, sir.”

They stood silently. 

“Then, try it for once,” Black Hat spat.

Black Hat took out his pocket watch and read the time.

“Let’s go. We need to entertain some pets.”

____________________________________________________________________________

The pregame - oh sorry, no - the  _ evening tea party _ was a group of high-class villains that worshipped Black Hat. They did their business with him and swore that he was the most wonderful to work with and even more, to party with. Little did they realize that Black Hat cussed them up and down in the hallway outside before ever entertaining their fancies and painting on a gentlemanly-guise. 

Black Hat and Flug stood before the door of another suite owned by Carmella DeMior, a villainess who put on a femme fatale persona and rubbed shoulders with billionaires to lobby politicians in favor of BHO. 

“I hate that tacky bitch. Dresses like she’s in a pulp fiction from the 50s,” Black Hat mutters to Flug before the door swings open to reveal a lovely Carmella in a massive fur coat, pearls, and pin curls. 

“Lord Black Hat! A pleasure to have your presence!” Carmella and her fellow villains deeply bowed before the lord.

“Carmella! You look ravishing,” Black Hat heartily laughed and kissed her hand. 

Flug quietly rolled his eyes. Not that Carmella was absolutely gorgeous. She is! She’s a striking beauty, but the fakeness from Black Hat...you could smell the plastic from every word he spoke. Flug still felt a burning anger from what had occurred in Black Hat’s suite and the sudden change in tone was infuriating.

Carmella turned to Flug, “Dr. Flug. A pleasure.” She gave a quick bow, which Flug returned. “The other mad scientist assistants are in the other room.”

Flug feigned pleasant surprise, all the well knowing that the other mad scientists were simply grouped in a small bedroom, which was Carmella’s assistant’s room. They were only placed there to quickly serve their masters and yet far away enough to not discomfort the other “actual” villains in the living room area.

Flug didn’t bother to look at Black Hat or respond to Carmella. He just went into the bedroom and closed the door.

“Dr. Flugslys?”

Flug found himself surrounded by four scientists, all sweaty from the room’s lack of air conditioning, one being an older fellow, a woman, a young man, and a mutant.

The scientist who spoke was a young female scientist with long brown hair and glasses. She wore a grey petticoat and tall long boots with gloves to match. She reminded Flug of Penumbra, funny enough.

“Dr. Flugslys, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” the petticoat scientist rushed to Flug and shook his hand.

“Just Flug is fine. It’s nice to meet you…?” 

“Dr. LaRoux. LaRoux is fine!” the petticoat scientist beamed, clearly happy to meet her idol. The other three scientists muttered their greetings, clearly disheartened for being stuck in the small room.

“So this is my room! Pretty cozy, huh?” LaRoux beamed. The room was nice enough, but Flug could see how ruined the room was, as there were mysterious stains on the carpet, a layer of dust caking the desk, and fraying sheets so thin they’d tear with one motion dressed upon the bed. 

Flug smiled, but knew LaRoux would be battered by the career path she had chosen. Her enthusiasm would be short-lived. Her fleeting innocence was admirable.

“I have so many questions. So many!” LaRoux was practically bouncing, “Where to start? Where to start?? Um, how did you get your start in the villainy? What was your calling? What’s it like working for Black Hat? How do you feel as an unpowered villain in your position-?”

“Woah, woah, woah! Seems like you have a lot of questions!” Flug chuckled. “I’ll try to answer as many as I can, okay? It’s very nice to meet you and to meet you all! In regards to my beginning, I just had a passion for science and technology, but my interests and visions for the future weren’t really respected by hero society, as I imagine many of us feel. ” Flug nodded to the scientists, who each responded with an indifferent nod. One of the remaining scientists, the young man, sighed heavily. 

Flug, determined to incite interest and admiration, continued, “I began my work with Black Hat when I was 20 years old after I had graduated from the Devil’s University of Crime in Mad Science and earned several doctorates in Quantum Physics and Aeronautics. I was part of several research projects at the time-”

“-How did you survive for so long?”

The question struck Flug like a slap to the face. Not only was he interrupted, but was hit with a question he had rarely heard in his career. The source of the question came from the heavy-set old man sitting in the desk chair, bald with only shocks of grey hair over his ears. His face had scars around his eyes, clearly from wearing goggles for too long. 

“Pardon?” Flug asked.

“I said,” the old man sighed, “‘How did you survive?’”

Flug paused, “...I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

The old man clicked his tongue, “Because from what I recall, you work with none other than Black Hat, a rather...temperamental villain.”

The mutant scientist, a posh figure with rippling purple spikes across his skin, stepped in, “Well, I guess what Dr. Manson is trying to say...is that we all know that mad scientists are seen as disposable members of the villainous community and keeping our place is very difficult. Considering that you’ve been working with Black Hat for practically a decade, you must be doing something right...Doctor.” 

Dr. LaRoux spoke warily, eyeing Dr. Manson, “We all know of your accomplishments, Doctor. We all respect your work-” 

“-Enough bullshit, LaRoux. Brown-nosing got you to Ms. DeMior, but it won’t work here for this son of a bitch,” Dr Manson spat.

La Roux shrinked at his words. 

Dr. Flug spoke calmly, “Let’s slow down for a moment. We just met each other-”

“We all knew you were coming, Doctor. We’ve been meaning to ask. For Manson… _ please _ ,” the mutant scientist politely pressed. LaRoux, the young man, and the mutant looked to Flug with desperation in their eyes, clearly wanting to find an answer for their colleague’s question.

Flug cleared his throat, “...alright.”

“I want to know why,” Dr. Manson began, “out of  _ all _ previous scientists that have worked for Black Hat... _ why have you survived? _ ”

Flug blinked, “I go above and beyond for my Lord. Whatever I have done has simply aligned with my employer’s sentiments and met his satisfaction-”

“You ‘aligned with your employer’s sentiments and satisfaction?’  _ Fuck that. _ ”

Flug fell silent.

Dr. Manson glared at Flug, “ _ Twenty.  _ There were twenty scientists before you. Each one of them did ten times more than ‘above and beyond’. They were pioneers in their fields, you bastard. _ ” _

Flug furrowed his brow, “Are you suggesting my work is inferior?”

Dr. Manson chuckled in frustration, “What I’m  _ suggesting _ ...is that we have all these amazing scientists who were just like you...who were admired like you... _ FEARED _ like you... _ who hit the moon and back _ and somehow, they’re all dead. Several of their cases, including yours, are very similar; recent graduates who have prodigal abilities and have astoundingly brilliant resumes and portfolios and inventions, but the difference between you and them is that they met an untimely demise when they were several months or years in their employment with Black Hat, so I’m  _ fucking wondering _ ...why  _ you _ ?”

The scientists snapped their attention to Flug, hungrily looking for an answer. Flug pursed his lips and looked to the young man, who was currently slouched next to a night stand that had a bottle of wine and several empty wine glasses.

“Pass me that would you?” Flug nodded to the bottle, to which the young man passed him the bottle and a glass.

Flug tugged the cork off the bottle and slowly poured himself a glass.

“...there’s a red skull on Black Hat’s desk that I see whenever I come into his office,” Flug recounted. “I see it whenever we have a meeting, discussing sales, a recent complaint, a product I’m working on, or an assignment. That’s what we usually talk about. Nothing else, really, but I remember one time, we were talking as we do - the same boring stuff, really - and I noticed that he was playing with the red skull. He stroked it and fumbled with it in his hands, as would a child do with a ball when talking to someone. It was almost striking really, to see a creature playing in such a manner. It’s not very common for him to do so, so I was quite worried. Though I was answering his questions and updating him as if it was any other day, I was terrified by the idea that he was toying with the skull meant something more. Maybe he knew something. Maybe I did something wrong. Anyways, he then asked me, ‘Are you wondering where I found this skull?’ Now, I was surprised he would even indulge me in such a topic and I was terribly curious so I said, ‘Yes, it’s a very beautiful color, my Lord. I would love to know.’”

Flug began swirling his glass of wine and continued, “He said… _ ’This skull was a previous assistant of mine. I vomited on him. Now, I have you.’ _ ”

The scientists had their mouths agape, paralyzed. Dr. Flug scoffed.

Dr. Flug spoke to Dr. Manson, “All I could really think of...is that...I am very, very lucky...and I have no idea why I am alive, let alone being chosen to work for him.”

“...”

“...Does that answer your question?” 

Flug solemnly smirked, put down his untasted glass of wine, grabbed the bottle, and stepped out of the room.


	8. "To Be Fair, You Need to Have a Very High IQ to Understand Rick and Morty."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "yo Black Hat do you have a crush on Flug"  
> "pshhhnah"

When it comes to reading minds, the reader has to think of mind reading as passages of water and the currents that come with it. Information being exchanged between minds is a matter of changing the current, while one-sided mind reading is a current in one direction. Black Hat can control these currents and has practiced this for lifetimes. 

At first, the whole mind reading thing was a wonderful thing. Not that mind reading is no longer useful, but more often than not, it’s only provided the same drivel.

_ Love me. Fuck me.  _

He took a sip from his glass. He’s heard the same ramblings for years and years. How meaningful are all these words? They all swear their dedication and loyalty the same way. How could they expect Black Hat to see any of them any differently from one another?

_ Love me. Fuck me. _

It gets boring after a while, doesn’t it? It really does. When you are young and inexperienced, everything is so raw, so brutal, so  _ thrilling _ , but after living for so long, it feels all too familiar. It blurs together and no matter what you do, you can never revive the exhilaration you felt the first time. Everything is just a variation of its precedent. The terror of the unknown fades away and with its disappearance comes sheer boredom. Black Hat has to put one hand behind his back, close his eyes, cover his ears, and stand on one leg when facing his enemies just to feel a twinge of something.

_ Love me. Fuck me. _

They’re all selfish. They’re all so selfish. Black Hat knows what they want. He’s heard it so many times. Black Hat squinted, remembering a time when he felt alive. Truly alive. Not just surviving, but living. It was not too long ago, surprisingly.

_ Love me. Fuck me.  _

Black Hat stopped himself short. He wouldn’t dare venture there. He shouldn’t. What needed to be cleaned up was disposed of and what happened was forgotten. Mostly.

_ Please. _

No. Fuck no.

_ Love me. _

_ No. _

_ Fuck me.  _

_ I don’t want it from you. You’re the last person I would want it from. _

_ Love me. Fuck me. Touch me. Hold me. Take me away. Please take me away. I want to leave. I want to be alone with you and no one else. I hate pretending here. I hate pretending out there. Fuck this. Fuck this party. I know you can make me feel something. It doesn’t matter how small it is. I just want to feel something. I’m so bored. I’m so bored with them all. Please, you have no idea how badly I want to hold you. I want to hold you. I want to know that I am yours and you are mine. I know there’s a contract. I know there is, but if it wasn’t there, would you still want me? Would you still stay? Stop working and look at me. Please look at me. Don’t look at me like that. I want to rip off your bag and hold your face in my hands. I want to rip it all off and know that you would take me now and hold me like nobody else. _

Black Hat felt a release upon hearing those words. It was like his skull gave way to all of the thoughts that were building in his head, but such relief didn’t last very long. He suddenly felt his body go numb. 

_ …’Bag?’ _

Where did that reading come from?

In order to hide his suspicions, Black Hat finished his wine and eyed the members in the room. They sat in plush velvet chairs, splayed across the furniture in the drunken stupor before a table with cheeses, fruits, honey, and meat. All of them were having a wonderful time, mindlessly drinking away and singing Black Hat praises and telling him of what villainy they did in dedication to their lord. Black Hat had mentally scanned the room, searching for the source of the reading but found nothing. 

_ Odd. _

Carmella, who sat in front of her lord with a full cup in hand and picking for a honeycomb, said, “Lord Black Hat, I must ask...how is your scientist?”

Black Hat snapped from his train of thought upon hearing the question. “Care to elaborate?”

Carmella adjusted herself in her seat, clearly pleased with having her Lord’s attention so closely.

“Well, you’ve had a number of scientists and assistants during your reign and none have lasted as long as Kenning Flugslys or had a career as impressive as his-”

“Where is this going, Carmella?” Black Hat spat.

“Why him, Black Hat? Why did you choose him?” She popped a honeycomb in her mouth.

“Why not?”

Carmella whispered, “Because he wasn’t exactly the most popular student in his class. In fact, I heard he made quite a fuss when he was first rejected.”

“Oh he was a sniveling fool,” Black Hat spared a chuckle.

“Oh he’s a wimp, isn’t he?” Carmella laughed.

Black Hat without a change in expression, rebuked, “I can only say that.”

Carmella nervously coughed, “Yes, sir. My apologies, sir.”

“Mm, I definitely didn’t see him as villain material... _ at first _ .”

“At first?”

“He’s a skinny 5’8” man who would be voted most likely to wear a ‘Sarcasm is my Superpower’ shirt.”

“Mm, sounds like your type,” Carmella smirked.

“He’s my-! No,” Black Hat frowned and put out his hand as if to put the conversation on pause, “ _ No.  _ Because I want to work with someone who insists on explaining commentary on existentialism and the impracticality of the science in an adult cartoon made for teenagers getting high on paint fumes, right?”

“Does paint have toxins anymore?” Carmella mixed her drink.

“Latex wall paint, apparently.”

“Oh! That’s why I had some of my employees passing out when they were repainting one of my doorless, windowless torture rooms.”

“How are they? Do they work well? I imagine that isolating prisoners is quite boring.”

“On my end and for the prisoners, yes, but they work well! They eventually experience long lasting trauma and eventually submit to my wills, which is great! But of course, it’s not my idea. I took some inspiration from the American prison system. Gotta give credit where it’s due.”

“Hm, not bad.”

“Thank you!” Carmella beamed. “But about Flug…”

Black Hat responded, “Yes, about Flug…”

“Flug…”

“Hmm...I ask because Flug is a human. A simple human being that has been able to keep up with your demanding work environment.  _ Somehow. _ I mean, you expect nothing less than the best.”

Black Hat nodded, “I do. I do…”

“Somehow he is doing this and I think many are at a loss for how he’s able. Everytime he comes out for a public appearance, he looks the same as when he started. The people are quite curious.”

“...and you want an answer?”

“An answer would be nice, but I believe I’ll stop here for now.”

“Why is that?” Black Hat darkly asked.

Carmella drew her head near to tell her lord in a hush voice, “...there are those who believe - forgive me, my Lord, for I am merely informing you - that you’ve taken a  _ liking  _ to the doctor. I am concerned that this may put the doctor in danger-”

Black Hat snapped, “-Thank you for telling me, Ms. DeMior, but I assure you there is no reason to be concerned.”

“My Lord-”

“Are you questioning me?”

Carmella shrunk from Black Hat, “Not at all, Lord Black Hat.”

Black Hat stood before his servants and gave a sly smile, “Unfortunately, I must take leave early.”

Carmella choked on her wine, “I d-deeply apologize if the evening tea was not to your satisfaction, my Lord!” She shot up and stumbled into a bow. “Please forgive me if I offended you.” The fellow partygoers followed her lead and drunkenly dipped their heads. 

“Not at all,” Black Hat waved away her apologies. His disregard was not out of politeness, but out of his own discomfort, as he was itching to leave this party. “I’ll be retrieving my scientist now.”

“O-of course!” Carmella sputtered, “Allow me.”

Just before Carmella could make her way to the room full of scientists, Flug opened the door and closed it with a click, wine bottle in hand. His exit from the room was then followed by a muffled shouting match and a crash of furniture heard from the scientists’ room. Flug licked his lips under his bag. He was caught like a deer in headlights.

“...O-oh hello!” Flug smiled as he attempted to hide his embarrassment in front of the partygoers, which were completely silent.

“Seems you’ve made quite a noise in there, mm?” Black Hat said through gritted teeth.

“Um, yes! They found our discussions to be rather…”

A muffled cry of an elderly man came from the door, saying, “ _ FUCK YOU, DR. FLUGSLYS! _ ” Then, the sound of breaking glass and sobbing.

“... _ heated _ .”

“Hmm,” Black Hat feigned thinking for a moment, “Sounds perfectly normal. Well, good night to all of you!” 

Black Hat and Dr. Flug scurried out of the party and stood in the hallway for a moment. They peered at each other with a knowing look.

“Did you enjoy the evening tea, sir?” Dr. Flug muttered, keeping his eyes to the floor.

Black Hat bit his lip. He was tempted to know what had transpired in the scientists’ room, but Black Hat wouldn’t dare read Flug’s mind.

He decided to ignore Flug’s question, “You stole a bottle, I see?”

Flug lifted the bottle in his hand, “Would you like some?”

Black Hat sniffed in disdain, “If you’re going to steal something, steal something half-decent. I’m not interested in that dog piss, Doctor.”

“...yes, sir.”


End file.
